An Arrested Development
Like everyone else in prison, Nondrick is innocent.
I’d been harvesting mushrooms inside Castle Cheydinhal, under full view of the guards, which indicated such activity was legal. It set a precedent, that did. I spotted some flowers on the throne, and figured, hey, free mushrooms, free flowers, right? So, I helped myself. Turns out, these flowers were a token from the Count to his late wife, who died, ahem, falling down the stairs.
This is a clear case of entrapment. One plant can’t be okay to steal and another be verbotten. It just ain’t right.
At any rate, when you’re arrested in Oblivion, you have three options. Resist arrest, which means you fight or flee the guards (usually a combination of both), pay a fine, or serve jail time. In this case, the fine is one gold coin, something I can easily manage.
Problem is, after agreeing to pay the fine, the game crashes to desktop. I reload, and, being the honest sort, pick the same mushooms I’d picked and steal the same flowers I stole. Once more, I’m arrested, agree to pay the fine, and am treated to another crash. Swell.
I try this four or five more times, and each time I try to pay the fine, the game crashes. Looks like that’s just not going to work. I choose to serve time instead, and nary a crash — I’m sent straight to jail. Ah, well, that’s the legal system for you. My crime “spree”, as it was called, has landed me in the clink.
I’m stripped off all my belongings, dressed in tattered rags, and sent to a cell. This is a low-point in Nondrick’s career, to be sure. The lowest. Jailed, humiliated, no possessions, body festering with canine diseases.
I’ve got one lockpick, apparently smuggled in an unnamed Nondrick-hole, but if I break out I’ll probably just get in more trouble. I’ll just serve my time. You know what they say, you only do two days: the day you come in and the day you get out. West siiiiiiiide. Of course, as it turns out, they only hold me a single day anyway.
Serving time isn’t good for you, though. With no rehabilitation program, spending time in a cell will lower one or some of your attributes. Luckily, I only lose one point in my hand-to-hand skill, a skill I’m fairly sure I’ve never once used.
The Count himself has arrived to watch me be released from prison. Despite me stealing his flowers, he’s kind enough to introduce himself.
Sure, throwing a guy in jail for picking up some dead posies, that seems generous and just. I joke with him a bit about mushrooms, throw in some boasts about how I once stole some fabric from a hotel, admire his mohawk, and threaten his life until he trusts me enough to offer me a house for sale. For $15,000. Pretty pricey. I’m hovering around the 1,000 septim mark, and have been since I got here. This just hasn’t been a profitable trip for me so far. I thought, by now, I’d be rolling in loot, but I haven’t been turning much of a profit since I left Imperial City.
I think I’m done with Cheydinhal. Time to move on. I’ve only got two more cities to visit, Leyawin and Bravil, and I think I can hit them both up before returning to Imperial City.
I head back to the hotel, selling my junk before I turn in for the night. Then, I’m roused out of my slumber by a terrifying visage.
It honestly scares the bejesus out of me. I’m sitting there, watching the hours tick by on screen, and am suddenly treated to a jarring crash-zoom of that lady’s scary mug. She forces a note in my pants and leaves.
Apparently, the Thieves Guild has spotted my talent for stealing flowers while in full view of the most powerful man in town, and want to recruit me. Sure, who wouldn’t? I’ve stolen one worthless item and gotten caught doing it. I’m clearly a star. What is the Gray Fox going to say to me? “I’ve seen your moves, kid. The way you walked right up to the throne and grabbed those worthless flowers and went to jail for it? You’re good. You’re real good. With my help, you could be the best.”
I get a couple more hours of rest, and then find Beaker out in the stable. Come on, dude, time to blow this dump. I figure we’ll make straight for Leyawin, following the river along until we reach the road, then hit Bravil on the way back up to north Imperial City. That’s a long-ass ride, though, so hopefully we’ll find a couple stops along the way.
As we gallop along, I’m treated to a nice view of Imperial City and some ruins, get chased by a couple wolves, stop to gather a few ingredients here and there (at one point I actually lost Beaker for about five minutes after leaving him to go pick up some plants). Eventually, I reach the river and follow it out to the road.
The road sucks. I’m chased by imps, wolves, and bandits every hundred yards or so. Luckily, running from a wolf leads me to a bandit, and they fight with each other. Running from another bandit leads me to an imp, and they fight. In each case, I wait until one is dead and the other wounded before cleaning up.
So, I’ve got a couple suits of armor, some weapons, and a few portions of Imp Gall. I explore a bit around the road, gathering herbs, but still have found nothing to cure my barkin’ pnemonia or doggie woggie flu.
As the sun sets, another Khajiit highwayman accosts me as I try to cross a bridge. The whole “Your money or your life” deal again. Just for kicks, I give him 100 gold, then jump off my horse and stab him in the back.
We duke it out. He lands a blow with his axe and I turn green. He’s cleverly draining my fatigue with poison. I retaliate by cleverly draining his health by killing him.
I take his stuff, retrieve my gold, and as I look up from his corpse, I spot something in the fading light.
Is that a boat?
It is indeed, a shipwreck in the river. Cool. Ships have beds, right? This would be a great spot to hole up in for a day or two, if so. I find a huge hole bashed in the side of the ship, and step inside. Granted, the last time I slept on a ship I got into all sorts of trouble, but what’s the chance of that happening twice?
Guh-guh-guh-guh-guh… ghoooooooost!
Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized
October 14, 2008 at 9:55 pm
How’s he gonna get out of this one?? D:
October 14, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I WIN!
“I retaliate by cleverly draining his health by killing him.” classic
October 14, 2008 at 9:56 pm
NO DEFEATED!
October 14, 2008 at 9:57 pm
fu-fu-fu-fu… fuuuuuuuudge!
or fuck. whichever.
yay nondrick!
October 14, 2008 at 9:58 pm
oh and 1st. never done that before. yay.
October 14, 2008 at 9:58 pm
1ST
Also, Epic Post
October 14, 2008 at 9:59 pm
oh hang on my pc fucked up. ah well.
October 14, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Crap, Someone got there first
October 14, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Great as always.
Ruh roh Raggy!
October 14, 2008 at 10:00 pm
ALSO- Nonny, you shoulda kept the black water blad. *coughscrewed*
October 14, 2008 at 10:07 pm
tremendous
October 14, 2008 at 10:08 pm
OH HEY GUYS 1ST owait
You can do it Nonny! Maybe for… a Scooby Snack?
October 14, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Holy shit, I was first. Crikey. Nondrick hasn’t got any gear for killing ghosts, has he?
October 14, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Capital!
October 14, 2008 at 10:57 pm
“Apparently, the Thieves Guild has spotted my talent for stealing flowers while in full view of the most powerful man in town, and want to recruit me. Sure, who wouldn’t? ”
Arf.
P.
October 14, 2008 at 11:05 pm
It sounds like YOU need Dude Where’s My Horse ™. Never risk losing your hoof-gazing friend again! It’s 3AM in Cyrodiil. Do you know where YOUR horse is? Dude? ™?
http://www.tesnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=3861
Loved the Gray Fox bit.
October 14, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Oh man, I love the Forlorn Watchman quest!
October 14, 2008 at 11:08 pm
“I’ve seen your moves, kid. The way you walked right up to the throne and grabbed those worthless flowers and went to jail for it? You’re good. You’re real good. With my help, you could be the best.”
I laughed out loud at that. =D
That ship is deadly! I almost died the first time I went in there! I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t. Take my advice and get Nondrick out of there, quickly! =)
October 14, 2008 at 11:50 pm
W00t! I love it.
October 15, 2008 at 12:41 am
First!
Also, awesome!
October 15, 2008 at 12:45 am
Who ya’ gonna call? BE-THES-DA!
October 15, 2008 at 12:49 am
something is going on that holds back all comments until you post. everyone thinks they are first. i did.
October 15, 2008 at 12:56 am
ZOINKS!
October 15, 2008 at 1:19 am
Boo!!
Awesome 🙂
October 15, 2008 at 1:52 am
Sexy Epic.<3
Again, Awesome sauce entry! I wonder what Nondrick is gonna do now.O:
October 15, 2008 at 2:19 am
first!
October 15, 2008 at 2:22 am
Oh, you’re not Jason Bateman! Still, this is good. Makes me want to play Oblivion if it didn’t freeze up on me on the 360.
October 15, 2008 at 4:39 am
Excellent and hilarious as always.
Dude you are awesome. I especially liked “cleverly draining his health” and how your computer FORCED Nondrick to stay in jail.
More!!
October 15, 2008 at 5:28 am
L-O-fucking-L!
October 15, 2008 at 6:05 am
MOAR
October 15, 2008 at 7:07 am
Ugh. Not fair. Every time I read this, I have to reinstall Oblivion. Keep up the great work!
October 15, 2008 at 7:23 am
Nondricks developing….a soul. He lives, He fights, He feels…. He’s more then your everyday NPC now.
October 15, 2008 at 9:19 am
Oh No’s!
October 15, 2008 at 9:56 am
Tuh-tuh-tuh TOOOOOAST!
October 15, 2008 at 10:33 am
Nondrick is SO boned without a magical item.
October 15, 2008 at 12:14 pm
He could just blast it with spells….right?
October 15, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Silver weapons can hit guh-guh-ghosts
and that’s a silver longsword, right?
October 15, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Brilliantbrilliantbrilliant.
Definitely a fan of this new scheduling mix-up, and this entry was just incredible.
I laughed out loud from the note from Gray Fox until the end.
October 15, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Although an afterthought: You seem to have stopped labeling the entries by day!
Is there a reason?
October 15, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Better get out of there, those ghosts are trouble. I wish there were more nice ghosts, they’re just mean, generally.
October 15, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Yeah, that fucking goddamned dark-elf woman scares the shit out of me, too. Every time. One time it was broad daylight and she walked up to me in the middle of the crowded market district and it scared me. Fuuuckkk
October 15, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Not that I’m a pussy, I mean, uh. It’s just unexpected is all.
October 15, 2008 at 3:00 pm
““I’ve seen your moves, kid. The way you walked right up to the throne and grabbed those worthless flowers and went to jail for it? You’re good. You’re real good. With my help, you could be the best.”
Hahahahahaha hilarious.
As an aside that ship is friggin deadly. I stumbled in there as a relativly high level character and nearly got my ass handed to me. Still, at least Nondrick has that nice silver weapon and maybe ectoplasm has diseise curing properties? I Really can’t remember.
October 15, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Nondrick looks pretty badass in his new armor. Well, at least he looks as badass as he can look with his fish face. Great post as always!
October 15, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Nondrick is looking more and more like an adventurer!
But still great post. Hope Nondrick will make it out alive!
October 15, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Seven first people?
October 15, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Time to make like a tree and GTFO!
Poor Nondrick, he can’t seem to catch a break. 😛
October 15, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Chris, got a bigger version of the river shot? (http://www.notmydesk.com/npc/river1.jpg)
1024×768 if possible, I’d like to use it as a wallpaper.
October 15, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Made me really LOL!
…..and I’m at work…..
October 15, 2008 at 9:14 pm
SECOND!
Looks like you’ve made a huge mistake. You should have stayed home and made cornballs instead.
October 15, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Brilliant.
Love this blog, it brightens my day when there’s a new one out.
I hope that note the woman shoved into your pants didn’t give you a paper cut. That would HURT down there.
October 15, 2008 at 10:07 pm
OH SHNOES! A GHOST!
October 15, 2008 at 10:10 pm
“He’s cleverly draining my fatigue with poison. I retaliate by cleverly draining his health by killing him.”
Epic, i laughed out loud at that one, also the Gray Fox bit. Very good work, keep it up.
October 16, 2008 at 1:21 am
Nonny, Nonny, Nonny.
*shakes head*
Maybe Beaker will grab you and run like hell a la Scooby Doo?
October 16, 2008 at 1:22 am
OH NOEZ I SURE HOPE U HAZ A WEAPON THAT IS SILVER (or enchanted) OTHERWIZE U WILL BE DEAD (or have to run away… come to think of it most of the ghosts are quite slow on that game… but is Nondrick fast enough to get away?)
October 16, 2008 at 1:33 am
Nondrick is becoming quite the brave adventurer! Maybe he should change his name to “Conan”… Well, maybe not (he’s too much of a geeky ugly bastard).
October 16, 2008 at 5:11 am
knee slapper
October 16, 2008 at 7:21 am
Oh no! Unless you got some enchanted weapons (ones you didn’t sell) that I missed, you’re done for!
October 16, 2008 at 11:04 am
Giving a highwayman 100 gold and then swording him in the back? Seems a bit un-Nondrick like. Prison must have given him a phew rough edges, eh?
October 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm
So you ARE going to publish these all as a paperback book, right?
I’ll totally buy it. 🙂
October 16, 2008 at 2:17 pm
“This is really nice.”
>GET OUT<
“Too bad we can’t stay, baby!”
Please, PLEASE take Eddie Murphy’s bit to heart; turn and flee from the supernatural spectre like the non-adventuring normal citizen Nondrick is SUPPOSED TO BE.
Please?
October 16, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Wait….. Grey Fox….. GREY FOX!
Good part. Doesn’t it seem like Nodrick’s still getting into adventures? I mean, first the bandits on the boat and now ghosts. Looks like the game hates player NPCs.
October 16, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Okay, so I was wrong. It WAS a good idea to keep the silver sword (breakable as it is).
I love highwaymen. Responsability stat of 0 so they don’t seem to care you pickpocketing the cash back.
To bad my Oblivion crashes whenever I load a game now.
October 17, 2008 at 12:19 am
I think the Grey Fox bit might have been the funniest thing I have read on this blog. Great work man!
October 17, 2008 at 3:20 am
Well THANKS. Now I’ll have the “Rockin’ Pneumonia” song stuck in my head thanks to the “Barkin’ Pneumonia” line.
And I know I’m not just paranoid and it is deliberately aimed at me because no one else has mentioned the reference yet.
October 17, 2008 at 10:56 am
Nondrick! Ships=bad!!
October 17, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Love that picture of Bleaker on the stone bridge. Can I second the request for a larger version of it?
I love the way Oblivion denies you the right to be free. At least being in jail didn’t trip the main quest. As always the blog is fantastic and I can’t wait to hear what Nonny thinks of Leyawin.
October 17, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Hm…
I just realized-0 if good ol’ nonny DID trip the mian questr, would he re-load, or go along, despite what he’s said?
October 17, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Sweet!
Nice quick updates too!
October 18, 2008 at 7:30 am
That chick that gave Nondrick the note from the Grey Fox looks exactly like the alien in the credits of the original Star Trek TV show. Creepy….
October 19, 2008 at 1:00 am
I like Leyawiin the most, I can’t wait until Nonny goes there.
Great job, as always. The Grey Fox bit made me laugh out loud a lot. Just don’t get quolested, ‘kay?
October 19, 2008 at 8:58 am
I laughed, and then my friend asked what I had laughed at earlier, so I read it out loud to him and couldn’t stop laughing even the second time through. Really, this is comic genius. Bravo.
October 19, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Run away! Flee! I can’t live in a world without Nondrick!
October 20, 2008 at 2:54 am
Beeker isn’t an Ass, she’s a Paint Horse! So it was a long “horse ride”, heheh! Boats aren’t ships and vice-a-versa. Oh, “The Unit” is on. Time to stop reading again.
October 20, 2008 at 5:32 pm
first!!!
October 20, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Okay, “The Unit” is over and “The Bonnie Hunt Show” is on, but for only a few more minutes, then it is time for “Days of Our Lives”. Hmph. Oh, the word hole “implies” damage, regarding the human body, while “orifice” doesn’t. So I hope Nondrick gets that unspecified hole healed soon! Hey! I’ve never tried the quest he just stumbled into from the ending stage. So will he start a quest too early by skipping several stages? I just did that by getting the “Boots of Springheel Jack”, without even being in the “Thieves Guild”. Now my PC is the Grey Fox without having really tried! Also, one can simply get Mehrune’s Razor by entering the lair from the lake, rather that at the old ruined fort and going through all of those stages. So if Nondrick wanted that dagger, if he could manage to hold his breath long enough for a dive….fight a rat, maybe a mudcrab. Sneak into the lair… I’m just saying!
October 21, 2008 at 4:06 am
Hey there! I’m a huge fan of this blog, and I spotted a mod that I think would fit right in with the nonadventures of Nondrick. It adds a fully functioning farm, where you can raise various farm animals, grow dozens of different crops, and you can even hire NPCs to do the work for you. You can find the mod here:
http://farmersunite.myfreeforum.org/index.php
October 21, 2008 at 4:58 am
Hi, again! I’m watching “Seinfeld” and playing my game too. (It’s a rerun of the episode where Jerry talks about the past seasons becasue they’re about to self-cancel.) Anyway, in the game, my character is trying to sleep in the Arenaand she should be getting a level up to 12, bn instead gets a message telling her that perfection cannot be improved upon, and that her stats are as high as they can go! No biggie. It just meens that icon won’t go away then without using a console command. But after that message Lucien Lachance appears! He talks to her, she refuses to be recruted by him, but now she has two Blades of Woe! She then recruits him for her personal army and enchantes his gear that isn’t already enchanted, then she maked him the Yellow Squad General and send him off to Bravil, where he’ll no doubt be in a lot of fights. I put my character to sleep for another hour, and this time Myvryna Arano wakes her up to deliver the message. My character is already the Grey Fox thanks to exploiting a quest jump by meeting the Earl of Imbel early on. I recruited her just long enough to enchant her gear before dismissing her. My character had Ulrich Leland arrested, then gets arrested for theft, and ends up sharing a cell with him, where he taunts her about what he’lld do to her should he get out. I think this jail time was what prompted the visit from Arano, though I was saving that visit until after doing “Two Sides of the Coin”. Anyway, I guess Nondrick won’t be having none of this as he’s more careful about his actions!
October 22, 2008 at 3:25 am
WTB more. 😐
October 22, 2008 at 4:42 am
I note how Nondrick is being gradually, insidiously drawn into a Life of Heroism. The ghost in that final shot ain’t the story: look at Nondrick’s getup. Despite his best intentions, an Adventurer is his very image today.
October 23, 2008 at 10:16 pm
You had to serve a full day because the game crashed whenever you tried, instead, to pay a single gold coin? Sucks.
Consoles don’t have to deal with this shit.
October 23, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Crap. After mentally noting vigorously to credit that image, I forgot to credit it to James Pentadact, screenname Francis, whose website, Tom, posted it in “http://www.pentadact.com/index.php/2008-05-30-a-riposte-to-valves-defense-of-pc-gaming”
I think I got the name right.
October 28, 2008 at 3:31 am
“I retaliate by cleverly draining his health by killing him.” Classic man. That’s made of pure epic win
‘“I’ve seen your moves, kid. The way you walked right up to the throne and grabbed those worthless flowers and went to jail for it? You’re good. You’re real good. With my help, you could be the best.”’ Now THAT made me lol-lmaoing. Both made me lmao in real life man. Keep up this great work, as I know you will
May 4, 2009 at 2:37 am
is that ship called the mouth of the panther?
November 27, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Boats seem to be bad luck on this game.
January 5, 2012 at 8:31 am
Man, I’ve got familiar with your living in oblivion serie after reading your post on PC Gamer and couldn’t resist reading, So far in three hours I read it to this point and i’m not going to stop now! just wanted to say: FUCKIN’ AWSOME! the gray fox part killed me!
May 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Run,Nonny!Don’t die yet!*sniffle*Your the best Nord alchemist I’ve re-SEEN!(More like the only. -_-)I have read this blog many times,yet skipped the end,for I was fearful for Non-non.(His new nickname. :D)I don’t want Non-Non to die.I..erm…I love him!
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