Ghosts and Doldrums

I think the adventure of this game is catching up to poor Nondrick.

Today alone, I’ve served time, been recruited by the thieves guild, killed a man over a hundred dollars, found a mysterious shipwreck, and been attacked by a ghost.

Two ghosts, in fact, that inhabit the aforementioned shipwreck.  Forgive the lack of screenshots of the ensuing battle, but you do not fuck around taking pictures when ghosts are involved, not when you’re a fifth level potion merchant with most of his skills in Personality.

No point in using my powerful frost spell, as ghosts are immune to frost.  No point in poisoning my blade, as ghosts are immune to poison.  I have two things working for me, however.  I have a silver blade (coincidentally collected the last time I was stupid enough to get on a boat), which is especially handy because ghosts cannot be harmed with conventional weapons, only silver or magical ones.  And, while ghosts cast frost spells of their own, as a Nord, I am myself 50% frost resistant.

I hack and slash madly, not even bothering to power up my swings, trying to ignore the other ghost behind me.  My spastic attacks don’t do a whole lot of damage but I manage to take down the first ghost, who collapses in a puddle of goo.

I’m worried about my health so I step outside to heal.  The second ghost follows me and I wade in, swinging wildly, hacking and slashing and swinging until he, too, melts into a blob of ghost-flavored pudding.

Whew.  I actually did okay.  My health didn’t even drop to half.  Plus, I’ve now got a place to spend the night, as the boat has a couple beds.

As cool as it would be to live in a shipwreck full-time, this is only going to be a temporary stay.  I assume the ghosts will respawn after a couple days, and there may be other ghosts on the lower level.  I’ll only live here one night, maybe two.  I’m also a little concerned about Beaker.  While I’m in here sleeping, will he wander off?

To be safe, I mount up, ride onto a rocky hill, and jump Beaker onto the deck of the ship.  Hopefully he’ll stay put for the night.

I eat and get some rest, and in the morning, Beaker is still in place.  I head out on foot, to the east, along the river, to gather up whatever ingredients I can find.  I also switch back to wearing leather armor.  The steel and iron is good for protection, but man does Nondrick walk slow when wearing it.

The day is fairly uneventful, save running into an Imperial Legion Hunter, killing a mudcrab, and, oh, very nearly dying after being double-teamed by two imps, one that roasted me with fire and another that shocked me with lightning.  At the same time.

Again, not much in the way of screenshots because I was much too busy trying to stay alive.  How close a call was this one?

The closest yet.  The arrow is pointing to my health bar, or rather, where my health bar should be.  It’s so low you can barely even see the end of it.  Yoikes.  I need some sort of Imp-proof outfit, clearly, because these guys are getting pretty vicious.  I might have to invest in some sort of conjuration spell so they don’t gang up on me so badly.

I heal up and head back for the night.  In the morning, I try to get Beaker off the boat with mixed results.

I’ll say this for Beaker:  he’s got good posture, even when slowly sliding backwards off a shipwreck.  Eventually, we’re back on land and heading south again.  Tired of getting ambushed by bandits, we follow the river and stay off the road.

I come across Blankenmarch, a small settlement populated by three NPCs who walk back and forth, having stilted conversations when they happen to bump into each other, which is every time they turn around.  It’s a pretty tiny town.  I leave Beaker behind, and scour the area, still coming up short on curative ingredients.  At some nearby ruins, some creature unlucky enough to have noclipped through the stairway growls and claws at me through the stone, but can’t free himself except for one paw.

I’m not sure what it is.  A troll, perhaps.  I give it a wide berth.

I come across a tomb by the river.  It sports a headless statue and some scattered bones.

I take action to correct the problem.

There.  Now he has a head.

Later, I find a dead deer.

Hey, look.  Those are some pretty big mushrooms.

Yeah, they’re some big mushrooms all right.

Hah.  Hah! Take that, game of Oblivion!  You think you can force adventure on me?  On me? Bring on your haunted ships and mysterious messengers!  I’ll respond by inspecting dead deer and noting the size of fungus!  Try to entice me into becoming a shady, selfish thief?  I just took time out of my day to make  sure a statue had a head.

When are you going to learn, Oblivion, game packed with thrills and adventure?  You can’t win.  You can’t beat me.  You can’t beat me because I’m not even playing the same game.

And now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to Leyawiin to sell my mushrooms.  Some of them are quite big!

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40 Comments on “Ghosts and Doldrums”

  1. addicted Says:

    Awesome post, man! Can’t believe you got out of the ship alive.

  2. Wolven Says:

    Haha, Mushrooms and dead deer! Can’t get any better than that.

  3. Duffy Says:

    first comment?

    yeah take that adventurous game with yoru adventure! you can kiss beakers butt!

  4. Mike Says:

    Hahahaha, too funny. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if putting that skull on the statue’s head activated another quest?

  5. Matt Says:

    @Mike: That’s what I was expecting. I was waiting for another cliffhanger ending involving the opening of another fairly mandatory misadventure.

  6. fsf Says:

    excellent, imight have been first if i didnt notice

  7. Calaros Says:

    Wish my mushrooms were large.

  8. That Guy That Sometimes Posts as Adoring Fan Says:

    The bit with the statue got a good chuckle out of me.

    Oh, and Daedric weapons can also harm ghosts, but I don’t think Nondrick will be getting his hands on one of those anytime soon.

  9. Akirasfriend Says:

    Glad to see Nondrick’s getting back to inanity. I’d hate to see him embark on another quest. He’s got mushrooms to sell!

  10. usualroutine Says:

    You can sleep on the shipwreck? All this time, I never knew.

  11. Anderson Says:

    What a relief. I was starting to find Nondrick almost what might be considered badass after he fought off those ghosts. Then he got raped to near death by a couple of imps, and all was right again.

  12. Ingens Remus Says:

    That was pretty bitchin.

  13. butsuri Says:

    I hope Nondrick got the ectoplasm from those ghosts. If he’s going to fight monsters, he should at least make the most of it as a source of alchemical ingredients.

  14. nancymarie Says:

    The statue …it has a FACE!


  15. The skull on the statue was a stroke of genius. Nice work.

  16. Killa-Ewok Says:

    Nondrick, the only one who can be a total wuss and be cool at the same time.

  17. PP2 Says:

    “In the morning, I try to get Beaker off the boat with mixed results.”
    And I thought the expression ‘you are either on the boat or off the boat’ was a fact. Dammit!

    Also, Mushrooms!

  18. redking Says:

    Oh noes, gotta watch out for those imps!

    And that’s definitely a troll’s claw coming out of those stairs. I hope Nondrick doesn’t run into a troll anytime soon! They’re so tough and fast he likely won’t stand a chance (unless he happens to run into an imperial legion horseman).

  19. austinpwnz Says:

    Putting the head on the statue was genius. Even as an adventurer, if I thought of doing that I would. Sadly, I am not creative enough, but you are! and that’s why I read this with such happiness inside me.

  20. Mike Says:

    Trolls appear at Level 5?? IIRC, they only started showing up around Level 12 or so. Ogres, on the other hand, are a different story, I think.

  21. Alexander Says:

    I just thought of something, if you aren’t using altars to cure yourself, what happens when you get Poryphiric Hemophilia? Will Nonny become a vampire? We’ve been down that road before!

  22. Mike Says:

    Cure Disease potions, broseph! I’ve used that shit several times to rid myself of that crap.

  23. Banana Says:

    Yay for our favorite Nord fish-face! :D I keep forgetting he’s still diseased… You’d think eventually he’d get better naturally. o.o;

  24. chris12 Says:

    i must add… seeing dead deer, picking GIANT mushrooms.. nondrick will win! good job.

    also i noticed you putted a head to the place
    and ist statue.

    indeed, great!

    go on, nondrik

  25. harrison Says:

    hey be careful leaving beaker out like that. Once after i just spent 1000g on a horse, i get off to look though a cave, when i exited i spent like 10min looking only to find a “My Brown Horse” dead on a rock. It would suck if it was a “Beaker” dead on a rock.

  26. Jeremy Says:

    Nondrick is awesome man. Skull+Headless statue=Win. Now, on another point…
    Please be careful!!! I’m surprised no one has cared to mention a near death Nondrick. I don’t want this comic to end on an alchemical expedition. I want it to end with Nondrick on his death bed with his fish faced sons and daughters holding onto his hand as he slowly passes on into the abyss. Now that’d be an NPC ending lol. Seriously, good comic, keep it up, and don’t die!!! (Make your own healing potions if you must)


  27. Hello, Author of Nondrick’s Tales!

    #01: Oops! The guy at the stables in Bruma referred to the Paint Horse I bought as a “He”. But I looked and it was still a mare, but now I know why people are referring to them as males at least. I named mine, “Ford Pinto”.
    #02: I meant to say last time, “Loot the corpses!” Now I’ll add, “Loot the dead ghosts!”
    #03: At this particular shipwreck, at the nearby river crossing bridge, floating under it, is a humorous “Easter Egg”. Don’t forget it! I wonder if the trapped troll that you stumbled across is somehow related.
    #04: Anyway, very funny! Keep it up please! Thank you!

  28. Bradster592 Says:

    “Forgive the lack of screenshots of the ensuing battle, but you do not fuck around taking pictures when ghosts are involved, not when you’re a fifth level potion merchant with most of his skills in Personality.”

    Sheer class. Think I popped a rib laughing!

  29. Ian Says:

    Nondrick’s day of deer ‘n’ ‘shroom inspection – 1
    Oblivion’s determination to force excitement on you – 0

  30. G Says:

    coooooooooooooooooooooooocllllllllllllll

  31. Tomokun Says:

    lol very funni Good luck.

  32. Darverses Says:

    I have a feeling that this seies will not end in Nondrick’s triumph.

  33. Becks Says:

    Nice name for your horse. i got a grey gypsy horse (see ziras horse stable mod) and called her SilverSwift. she is nearly as fast as a black horse. real strong 2. u press (~) and click on the horse. type Setactorfullname SilverSwift or whatever.

  34. RandomGuy Says:

    Dude you might be a game dweeb (like myselfXD) but think of the ridiculously funny inside jokes the Oblivion communtiy can now share lol. Sheerly witty my friend! And remember no fuc*ing around with those ghosts!


  35. It’d be great if you’d give this page some spot light.


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