Day One: Fresh Off The Boat
Huzzah! I arrive in Anvil at around 1:30 in the morning, ready to begin my ordinary life of non-adventure and menial toil!
Anvil is a small harbor city. Docks, a lighthouse, a few homes, presumably shops and inns, and a castle. It’s dark, foggy, rainy, and mostly silent when I walk off the boat to have a look around. The first thing I need to do is scout out a place to live — maybe find a cheap room at an inn — not for right now, but so I don’t have to search later tonight. I’m clothed only in a vest, pants, and moccasins, and my only possessions are a dagger, an apple, and 17 gold pieces. It’s gonna be a rough start.
I spot a small cluster of my fellow NPCs on the dock. An Argonian and Wood Elf are punching each other, an Orc and a human woman are chatting about someone named Velwyn Benirus, who is apparently trying to sell his mansion. See, I’m in town for all of five minutes and the game is already hurling quests at me. Screw you, game that’s packed with literally hundreds of hours of adventure! I ain’t havin’ any!
I talk to the Orc, Krognak gro-Brok, who informs me bluntly that Mirabelle Monet, owner of a local boarding house, is a something of a slutbag. Seems a bit rude of him, since she’s the woman standing right there, listening, but when I talk to her she cheerily confirms it: she loves them sailors, all right. She won’t even rent a room to you if you’re not a sailor. I chat briefly with the two guys punching each other, too. The Argonian is a sailor named Hauls-Ropes-Faster, and the Wood Elf is batshit insane, babbling some nonsense about how he has slugs on his back and how his clothing scares the fish. Too many punches to the head, I guess.
I poke around in Miss Monet’s boarding house, The Fo’c’s’le, for a few minutes, then head for an establishment she recommended, The Flowing Bowl. I’m greeted at the bar by Maenlorn, a short, pleasant, clearly homosexual Wood Elf, who informs me he runs the place with his twin brother. I look over his prices and buy myself some beef (two gold pieces) in case I get hungry later. Oddly, despite lots of booze around the place, he won’t sell me any, nor will he rent me a room. Great. I’ve already found two inns, but neither with a room for rent, unless you’re a seaman crawling with venereal disease.
Maenlorn, and the others I talk to, all tell me about a supposed gang of female thieves who prey on the married men in town. Luckily, I’m single, so hopefully they’ll leave me alone! A few NPCs also mention that joining the Fighter’s Guild is a good way to make money, but that sounds a little too dangerous for my tastes.
So, I’ve got beef but still no bed. I head into Anvil proper, and find my way to a place called The Count’s Arms, which has rooms available… for 25 gold a night! What a rip! There’s gotta be a cheaper place to rest in this city, I can’t afford that.
Near the north gate, I spy a bedroll and some other personal belongings, next to the person they belong to: a beggar named Penniless Olvus. We chat about the female gang, as one does with beggars, and then I decide to give him a coin. Not because I can spare it (I’m down to 14 gp now) but because, frankly, I need the karma. I note that even though Olvus is no longer penniless, he doesn’t change his name to One-Penny Olvus — I guess then he’d have to change all his business cards and stationary.
A few city guards I talk to suggest I join the Fighter’s Guild as well — and I’m starting to sense an agenda here. The Guild wants fresh arrow fodder, so they force the local inns to charge outlandish prices for rooms, which drives the poor, sleepy masses to the Guild to find employment. Nice racket. I spot a supposedly abandoned house, but my hopes are dashed when I find someone named “The Stranger” is already living there — plus, the place doesn’t have a bed anyway.
He’s a stranger, all right. I’d try to get to know him, but hey, dawn is nearly here. Finding a cheap bed will have to wait until tonight– today, I’ve got to make a living.
Explore posts in the same categories: Nondrick's Non-adventure
March 10, 2008 at 10:05 pm
This fresh start already looks like a hard start!
April 28, 2008 at 10:49 pm
this is very gody wy im like pankakes
April 29, 2008 at 12:38 am
e noissi
May 1, 2008 at 5:19 pm
nao vai se foder ne nois nao
May 1, 2008 at 5:22 pm
http://www.chiquinhodaviola.com.uk
July 24, 2008 at 3:31 am
Wow, it’s strange to see such humble beginnings, and then skip to te last page.
August 18, 2008 at 2:00 am
[…] can live as an NPC successfully. Absolutely hilarious and well worth a read for any Oblivion fan. Day One: Fresh Off The Boat […]
September 17, 2008 at 8:22 am
Hey. I really enjoy the 4th Wall breaking humor of your writing style. Reading your material is keeping me from writing my own though. Keep up the goofy good work! I look forward to continued laughter here!
August 2, 2009 at 10:54 am
If any of the hiatus crew reads this, you guys suck!
September 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm
You traitor!
November 27, 2010 at 6:25 am
This guy is hilarious. I love him so much.
September 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm
I hope Nondrick stays alive and wont be infected with any dieseses!I also am playing a NPC on Oblivion.He is a dark blue and light blue Argonian,and I love him!HE.IS.AWESOME.
December 10, 2011 at 2:10 pm
[…] my Oblivion blog, I began the game standing on a boat in the small coastal city of Anvil. As Nordrick, I will be starting in a similar fashion, standing on a boat in the small coastal city […]
December 10, 2011 at 8:40 pm
[…] my Oblivion blog, I began the game standing on a boat in the small coastal city of Anvil. As Nordrick, I will be starting in a similar fashion, standing on a boat in the small coastal city […]
December 11, 2011 at 2:40 am
[…] my Oblivion blog, I began the game standing on a boat in the small coastal city of Anvil. As Nordrick, I will be starting in a similar fashion, standing on a boat in the small coastal city […]
December 11, 2011 at 3:07 am
[…] my Oblivion blog, I began the game standing on a boat in the small coastal city of Anvil. As Nordrick, I will be starting in a similar fashion, standing on a boat in the small coastal city […]
December 11, 2011 at 7:32 am
[…] my Oblivion blog, I began the game standing on a boat in the small coastal city of Anvil. As Nordrick, I will be starting in a similar fashion, standing on a boat in the small coastal city […]
January 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm
[…] Day One: Fresh Off The Boat (Mar. 7, 2007) […]
April 3, 2012 at 6:45 am
quick question,why are the pictures not loading?
all they are is the “red corner X of death” help plz i want to see nondricks ugly fish face
May 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm
I have a blue and green male Argonian,and he is an NPC too.I love him.His name is Sea-of-Danger,as he is the danger!Hint:He is an assassin,like the Dark Brotherhood.Anyway,love you,love Nonny,love my character,love EVERYONE!
May 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I also have a cool-looking argonian on Skyrim!Her name is Deathly Shadows,my namesake,and she is truely deathly!
June 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm
[…] Day One — Day One Cont’d – Day Two — Day Three — Day Four — Day Five […]